Just a Blog

Did I Start a Journey Just to Fall Off? Yes. Will I Get Back on the Horse? Absolutely.

September 11, 2025

Grief is a wildly fickle thing. I’ve felt nothing short of empty—just a vessel carrying a soul in repair. I can’t seem to find regularity, and the empty bottles of wine in my trashcan don’t help my cause.

Two years ago, I was on solid ground—stable, going to the gym, getting engaged, and coming home to two perfectly purring kitties. Now, I sit rebuilding a life I chose for myself. Rebuilding is hard, especially when it’s tied to the death of my father.

It wasn’t long ago that the final nail was put in the coffin of my previous relationship. A simple visit to Verizon to split our connected phone plans gave me unexpected clarity. In his own way, he validated my decision—by simply being himself.

Does that sound harsh? Totally. But here’s the truth: I fell in love with a good and loving man. He helped me rebuild my self-worth when it was stripped away at such a young age. He played cheerleader to every adventure I pursued. He was there when times were tough—even after we split, even after my father passed.

But he also carried a constant, relentless self-deprecation that eventually drove me away. And that side of him showed up again, right there in the middle of Verizon.

Choosing More

Today, I feel clarity. Leaving a life that was comfortable but not fulfilling was okay. Wanting more is okay. Wanting calm is okay. Wanting someone who craves adventure and joy is okay.

I want to leave events and social situations smiling, laughing, talking about the beauty of the evening—not dissecting every little thing that went wrong. For the first time in a long time, I’m breathing real air. I may still be floundering to find myself, but I’m breathing.

New Adventures

So what does life hold now?

I got a new orange kitten. His name is Uni—like the sushi. (Only later did I realize it literally means the reproductive organs of a sea urchin. Mother of the year award? I’ll take it.)
I have a new house that’s slowly becoming home, complete with a beautiful green couch, a kitchen that inspires me to cook again, and more space than I know what to do with.
And I’ve started dating again. Dating in your 30s? A wild ride. But hey—party on.

A Bittersweet September

September was supposed to be the month I got married. Now, it’s a harsh reminder of what could have been—and the thousands (THOUSANDS!) lost on deposits. But life doesn’t stop.

So, we keep riding the rollercoaster. Until the next adventure, my friends.